Instantly subscribed after reading this, Jenny. This is so beautifully written and I’m sure you can’t be the only one with these fears.
Thank you for sharing this. I found you through that note about turning 50. And no, I don’t have children (yet). I’m still going back and forth on the decision. I’m a recovering alcoholic and what you talk about here is one of my deepest fears. Admittedly, my choice to not have children is fear-based, which bums me out… that my decision oscillates based on the strength of my fear.
Like you, I don’t have a great relationship with my mom. Like your sons, she is part of what made me seek therapy. She’s not the entire reason. And at some point, I got so tired at holding on to my anger and resentment towards her. I ultimately found empathy for her and know that she wasn’t just trying her best, she was also trying to survive. That’s not to say our relationship is all unicorn and rainbows now lol. But it’s better.
I’m really looking forward to reading more of your stuff.
It's hard to reread after essays have been published, and want to change something. I wish I could change "I know they’ve all been in counseling because of me," to "I'm part of what brought them there." It's not all me. Life is more complicated than that.
You can not give peace until you find peace within yourself. Everyone has skeletons in their closets. I do, with my oldest son. But know this They are adults living their lives. Just be there for them quietly cards or letters simple gifts during the appropriate times. Birthdays, Christmas etc. Baby steps. Don't rush don't push. While you do that find the forgiveness within yourself that you need and desire. Only then can you be a parent to your adult children.
I appreciate you taking the time to comment, James, but we are a community of women here, and I want to keep the conversations for us. I think mothering is much more primal than fathering.
You did the best you could. Your children will understand that when they have children of their own.
I hope so! Some of them say they won’t bring a child into our current world, but we’ll see. 🤞
I grew up knowing I would never marry - and God forbid - have children. I was the first of my siblings to do both. By years. 😂
Ha! Hopefully my 24-year-old daughter will do the same, I admit.
It’s not easy parenting children and young adults. We do our best and we, as human parents, have flaws like everyone else
Yes, we do, Isla. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Here is my regret story concerning my mom and my kids… we all wish we had done better.
https://theemergingwoman2026.substack.com/p/i-was-succeeding-in-the-wrong-life?r=7vjw7n&utm_medium=ios
Thanks for sharing.
Instantly subscribed after reading this, Jenny. This is so beautifully written and I’m sure you can’t be the only one with these fears.
Thank you for sharing this. I found you through that note about turning 50. And no, I don’t have children (yet). I’m still going back and forth on the decision. I’m a recovering alcoholic and what you talk about here is one of my deepest fears. Admittedly, my choice to not have children is fear-based, which bums me out… that my decision oscillates based on the strength of my fear.
Like you, I don’t have a great relationship with my mom. Like your sons, she is part of what made me seek therapy. She’s not the entire reason. And at some point, I got so tired at holding on to my anger and resentment towards her. I ultimately found empathy for her and know that she wasn’t just trying her best, she was also trying to survive. That’s not to say our relationship is all unicorn and rainbows now lol. But it’s better.
I’m really looking forward to reading more of your stuff.
Thank you for reading. I hear you. ❤️ Thank you for sharing, and welcome. ❤️
It's hard to reread after essays have been published, and want to change something. I wish I could change "I know they’ve all been in counseling because of me," to "I'm part of what brought them there." It's not all me. Life is more complicated than that.
You can not give peace until you find peace within yourself. Everyone has skeletons in their closets. I do, with my oldest son. But know this They are adults living their lives. Just be there for them quietly cards or letters simple gifts during the appropriate times. Birthdays, Christmas etc. Baby steps. Don't rush don't push. While you do that find the forgiveness within yourself that you need and desire. Only then can you be a parent to your adult children.
I appreciate you taking the time to comment, James, but we are a community of women here, and I want to keep the conversations for us. I think mothering is much more primal than fathering.